Captain’s Log

I’m going to start in the middle. Then I’m going to write the beginning. And then the end.

I need a sewing kit. I don’t need a sewing machine, but a really useful hand sewing kit. Thin needles, thick needles, big needles, small needles, fine needles and needles for leather.

That’s the middle.

Loveless. I’ve always wanted to see it, even though I know it’s really nothing more than a billboard in the video game Final Fantasy VII. I think it’s supposed to be a play, or maybe a movie. I’ve been Midgar for far too long. I’ve been Loveless for far too long. The things I’ve surrounded myself will all seem as though they are only half real. There is no love in goods crafted by lifeless machines. They serve their purpose, and over long periods of time I can even instill my own love into them, but they are like dolls … I want people. I want love. I want life. I want them like my lungs want air and my body wants water.

I bought this beanie that does a fairly decent job of seeming alive, for something clearly made by a machine. I like this beanie. I also bought some t-shirts, and even though they are covered in clever and meaningful symbols, they still seem insubstantial … that is to say, they lack substance. I suppose when I say they lack substance, I particularly mean the ephemeral sort of substance. The key ingredient in good food is love.

I need to go visit some art exhibits, maybe buy some things if anything speaks to me, to hang on these empty walls.

That wasn’t a full paragraph, and neither is this. It’s just two sentences.

I’ve been feeling rather ugly lately … rather heartless. Maybe heartless isn’t so bad, but if anything could use some aesthetic sprucing, it’s a void where a heart should be. Black velvet, and suede, and the smell of roses and cinnamon … clothes hand stitched by the recesses of the psyche … instruments played on deft hands … outside the sunshine or a warm, breezy starlit night. Wine in the glass after dinner, followed by a quiet evening. The ruffians can stay in the streets where they will be so picturesque, and I will call them friends. The rest of the world tucked away in it’s tangle of politics and religions and sex-crazed media, worshiping the violence and gore displayed on 800×600 for the daily news. The celebrities dancing in front of them like so many daffodils. And I will work, and play, and meditate wide-eyed on on the wonder of it all. The world is mine, and I love it.

Now … about that sewing kit … and some material to set to work on … can’t get it right now. It’s 6:24am and I’ve been awake for well over fifty hours now. So I’m going to watch Wall-E. I haven’t seen it yet, but it seems like just the right movie for me right now, based on the reviews.

this is not,
Jack Wolfe

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 24th, 2009 at 1:35 pm and is filed under Musings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.