Captain’s Log

The elephant perches on the steeple at midnight, but beware for the rhino blows bubbles in the bathtub.

Sanity is over-rated. I’m getting paid by veterans affairs (I’m an Iraqi war vet) for being 100% mentally disabled. I’ve learned a few tricks to getting by.

First and foremost, be okay with who you are, whoever you may be. No matter how fucked up you might or might not be in the eyes of the world (and especially in your own eyes) … be okay with it. Accept it. Only then can you exist in “here and now.”

Once you’re “here and now,” you can find the most interesting thing happening right in front of you at any given moment. Follow it. It is the white rabbit. And it will change on a moment by moment basis (because, of course, interests change.)

The world is what it is … the way I see it, it’s the sum of all things. Good or bad, right or wrong … these things are all relative. And relativity is based on location. Be aware of whatever your white rabbit is … and change your own location (worldview/physical location/religion/whatever else may need some changing) to whatever helps you best chase it.

Be okay with not having fun. Learn how to enjoy the unenjoyable. Be okay with the world and everything in it (from the “best” of the “best” to the “worst” of the “worst.” Remember, it’s all relative to you.)

Now, I’m no shrink, I don’t get paid to help people with their problems … but I do know how to deal with my own. And those are a few of the ways I do. Maybe it won’t work for you, but there it is.  Hope your life (and death) is everything it’s supposed to be!

this is not,
Jack Wolfe

Change and revolution are not produced by opposition.

I’m going to start in the middle. Then I’m going to write the beginning. And then the end.

I need a sewing kit. I don’t need a sewing machine, but a really useful hand sewing kit. Thin needles, thick needles, big needles, small needles, fine needles and needles for leather.

That’s the middle.

Loveless. I’ve always wanted to see it, even though I know it’s really nothing more than a billboard in the video game Final Fantasy VII. I think it’s supposed to be a play, or maybe a movie. I’ve been Midgar for far too long. I’ve been Loveless for far too long. The things I’ve surrounded myself will all seem as though they are only half real. There is no love in goods crafted by lifeless machines. They serve their purpose, and over long periods of time I can even instill my own love into them, but they are like dolls … I want people. I want love. I want life. I want them like my lungs want air and my body wants water.

I bought this beanie that does a fairly decent job of seeming alive, for something clearly made by a machine. I like this beanie. I also bought some t-shirts, and even though they are covered in clever and meaningful symbols, they still seem insubstantial … that is to say, they lack substance. I suppose when I say they lack substance, I particularly mean the ephemeral sort of substance. The key ingredient in good food is love.

I need to go visit some art exhibits, maybe buy some things if anything speaks to me, to hang on these empty walls.

That wasn’t a full paragraph, and neither is this. It’s just two sentences.

I’ve been feeling rather ugly lately … rather heartless. Maybe heartless isn’t so bad, but if anything could use some aesthetic sprucing, it’s a void where a heart should be. Black velvet, and suede, and the smell of roses and cinnamon … clothes hand stitched by the recesses of the psyche … instruments played on deft hands … outside the sunshine or a warm, breezy starlit night. Wine in the glass after dinner, followed by a quiet evening. The ruffians can stay in the streets where they will be so picturesque, and I will call them friends. The rest of the world tucked away in it’s tangle of politics and religions and sex-crazed media, worshiping the violence and gore displayed on 800×600 for the daily news. The celebrities dancing in front of them like so many daffodils. And I will work, and play, and meditate wide-eyed on on the wonder of it all. The world is mine, and I love it.

Now … about that sewing kit … and some material to set to work on … can’t get it right now. It’s 6:24am and I’ve been awake for well over fifty hours now. So I’m going to watch Wall-E. I haven’t seen it yet, but it seems like just the right movie for me right now, based on the reviews.

this is not,
Jack Wolfe